If you want to win the next election, promise to replace moving sidewalks with Slip-n-Slides.

Previous contrary beliefs:

• Not all restaurants in Togo are to go.
• Not all Kathys are chatty.
• People in Europe don’t say, “I wouldn’t touch that with a 3.05 meter pole.”
• No one can tell if a parrot has Tourette’s.
• Turbinado sugar isn’t any faster than regular sugar.
• When All-4-One sang “I Swear,” they didn’t mean it.
• Taco Tuesday is not part of the Catholic calendar.
• Laffy Taffy was never funny.
• McGruff the Crime Dog has been in the violent and disturbed section of an animal prison since 1993. Because he took his message literally.
• Donald and Daffy Duck aren’t related. Duck is just a very common last name for animated water fowl.